From Rebellion to Grace: A Testimony of Redemption
Photo: Kate Larsen attends a recent March for Life event with her son and a spiritual daughter. She celebrates God’s goodness to her as He redeemed her from a life marked by pride, rebellion, addiction, and unfaithfulness.
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Personal Testimony by Kate Larsen
Photos courtesy Kate Larsen unless otherwise indicated
Kate is the assistant to Senior Pastor Lloyd Pulley of Calvary Chapel Old Bridge (CCOB), NJ. First attending CC Old Bridge in 2017, she and her husband Rob oversee the Training Children to Care: Families Serving the World … Together program; they are also leaders in the church’s Calvary Young Adults group.
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When you have an addiction, you learn to give everything you have to it. It becomes the one single focus of your life, all-consuming. And so, those who have had an addiction should be able to then more easily give all they have to Jesus, right? And really, that's what the Lord did in my life.
So when they had brought their boats to land, they forsook all and followed Him. Luke 5:11
Growing Up “Christian"
I grew up in a Christian household, knowing all about Jesus. I went to Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. I knew every child’s Bible story, and I always said my prayers. I believed in God, but it was in my head only and very superficial.
I sensed God’s presence in my life, and I knew God spoke to me—I just didn’t know, or even understand, what it meant to follow Him. I was saved, right? Why did I have to live like Jesus did? I didn’t even know that was an option, and as I tried myself to be a “good person,” I realized just how impossible that was.
And beside all of that, I was very stubborn, proud, and rebellious. We think we know it all, don’t we? That is, until we realize we really don’t know anything.
I would go to North Carolina in the summers to visit my grandparents. My grandma was probably the most faithful believer you could ever meet, but my grandfather was a child molester. Eventually he ended up getting arrested for it, and it wreaked havoc in the family. It wounded me deeply—and yet the most vivid memory I have is of my grandmother’s forgiveness of him. That is only the love of God, and so the Lord was leaving me a witness in the tragedy of my youth.
Pride & Rebellion
My high school years were spent experimenting with drugs and chasing boys. Through and in relationships I found my identity and the place that I thought I knew love.
I married my high school sweetheart at 22. A few years into my marriage, my then-husband suffered a psychotic break and from that day forward stayed in some level of psychosis daily, being diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. There was so much grief, and I often would open the Word of God to find the comfort I needed. I looked for me though, not for Him.
I ended up having an affair with, and eventually married, my boss—hoping this man would rescue me from my past and my pain, hoping for some “fairytale” version of life. And it looked hopeful, because after years of infertility in both of our prior marriages, we were suddenly pregnant! We suffered a miscarriage, but not long after I was pregnant again and would bring my baby boy into the world. Funny thing how I could still hear God’s voice and sense His presence, even in my disobedience—I knew the Lord had His hand on this child.
I took my son to church every Sunday while my unbelieving husband stayed home. I was no different from the world except on that one point—and that I occasionally would read my Bible. I always said my prayers. And that was good enough, right?
I got pregnant again. One Sunday, the pastor at my church talked about a woman who gave birth to a child with disabilities, and I went home sobbing. I knew there was something wrong with my baby—Hannah was stillborn on September 21, 2009.
What a pivotal day for me.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
Stubbornly Resisting God’s Leadership
I started to take God seriously. I took an online Bible study, eventually leading it. My unbelieving husband was watching and even serving alongside me in the ministry birthed from the loss of our child. The problem was, that ministry wasn’t really about Jesus—it was about me, for my own glory—and God was faithful to later humble me in that.
We later gave birth to Eliana Grace, meaning “My God has answered my prayers with grace.” And God healed me from Lyme disease, panic attacks, depression, and a pituitary tumor. He saved my husband after we lost our home to bankruptcy. We got baptized together in 2012.
You’d think I would have seen the goodness of God in all of that. I didn’t. It was as if God was saying, When will you let Me be the One to lead?
In 2014 I asked my husband to leave for no good reason. We weren’t even fighting—I was just bored, I suppose. He left, and I got into a demonic relationship.
That relationship nearly destroyed me—and I am so grateful for that. By the end of it, I was like desolate Israel in the Book of Lamentations, ready to look up and ready to let go. Thank God for that. I have abundant life today because of that destruction—and so, if you are going through something tough, rejoice in that. I would have never surrendered, and God knew that. He also knew exactly what it would take to get me to that point. I was just too proud and stubborn, and God knew that as well.
By month three of that relationship, I was addicted to opiates, daily taking methamphetamines. Every day I was high on something. This completely ruled my life. It was a rapid downward spiral as I became like him whom I worshiped. I barely survived my first suicide attempt—brain-dead and unresponsive in a coma; on day three they told my husband if I lived, I would be a vegetable. Our God still works miracles! I am a living testament to that. Only by God’s keeping power and mercy did I survive.
The relationship was purely evil, demonic, marked by every sort of abuse you could imagine. It went on like this for two years. I had even stopped praying during those years, silencing God’s voice, completely shutting Him out.
Finally Crushed & Restored
Toward the end of that relationship, I got a phone call from a headhunter, and this is how God saved me. I took a job in an entirely Hindu company, except there was a man there who befriended me—and he was a minister of our God.
Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20
I will forever be grateful to him as he gently brought me back to Jesus, teaching me those things I never understood and encouraging me to start reading my Bible again. And reading those words in His Book again, I wondered, How had I never seen all of this before? How did I not see God's love before? How did I not see my own unfaithfulness?
Thank You, Jesus, for crushing me. Thank You, Jesus, for letting me see the fruit of my own ways. Thank You, God, for showing me my own faithlessness, and thank You for showing me Your power and Your love in Your power.
Look at all of the foolish things we do and the bad decisions we make when God has given us the power to make wise ones. We have His Word, and we have the Holy Spirit! Do you know my addiction just miraculously fell away? He literally broke every chain, that I might walk in freedom. He restored my marriage and my family.
A Church “Home”
My brother attended Cornerstone Church (a CC fellowship) in Howell, NJ, which eventually led me in 2017 to Calvary Chapel Old Bridge, near my home. Coming to CCOB in so many ways felt like coming home to me. We have a beautiful body of believers here and just an incredible sense of the presence of God. The Lord baptized me in the Spirit at that time. Oh, that is when I learned to say, “Yes, Lord!”—because, Why wouldn’t I?
I had been going to a little Baptist church at the time of my rebellion and after my first suicide attempt, the church congregated and voted me out—it felt a lot like God was rejecting me. But because of that, the acceptance I received at CCOB was so much more meaningful. Every broken piece was put back together upon His firm foundation, now built upon the Rock. Not my way, Lord but Yours.
Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; for I am called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts. Jeremiah 15:16
Do you know that there is no greater joy than to be His? And His Word—there is nothing like it!
My life forever changed because I finally surrendered. And daily I will do that again for the rest of my life here below.
Why do we hold on to things that keep us from getting to Jesus when we're trying to get to Him? It’s not about trying harder tomorrow, or doing better next time, or anything else that involves human effort. We lay it all down, our very lives, to take up His.
You were made with a purpose—to glorify God and enjoy Him forever!
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